About a week ago I had a conversation with God about the new house my husband and I are buying. It went something like this: "God, thank you for everything. Thank you for this new house. But how come you couldn't get me the house I really wanted? Didn't you get the memo about my dream house? Why can't I have my dream house?"
I've had more gracious prayer moments, of course, but I'm being honest here. It was a whiny-prayer and a truthful one. I simply couldn't understand why God hadn't supplied the house I longed for. Hadn't I been clear in my prayers? Hadn't I made my desires known? Was I not praying in the right way to manifest my perfect dream?
I felt frustrated, because while I liked the house we chose, it wasn't my style. While there are things I love, it didn't feel like me. In a very immature, but very real way, I knew God wanted me to be happy (this is, in fact, based on the scriptures of every great religious tradition)--so why not a house a little closer to my heart?
I got an answer. It came like this: "I'm not interested in getting you what you want. I'm interested in who you become." In a flash, I understood. The struggle with the house was a gift. Not getting what I want was a blessing, because in that happening, I could become more of who I needed to be, a better person, somehow--even if I didn't know how exactly at that moment.
I thought of taking care of my own children. Many times I make sure they do not get the thing they want--if it's not good for them, not safe, not the right time, not possible, or not in their best interest. Their frustration when I frustrate their desires is abundantly clear, but I don't care as much about their immediate gratification as I do about their hearts, their characters, their health.
The Divine Mother/Father, our true Parent, gives with intelligence and Love. For a moment I got it, and I could feel God's goodness in the decision my husband and I had made. It was a wonderful reminder that God's love is continuous, constant and always seeks our ultimate good--helping us to become who God knows we are, a reflection of the Divine.
--Rev. Sam Wilde
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